Tuesday, October 7, 2008

LOVE YOU TO DEATH ......

DANIAL PHILLIPS PUSHED BACK A CLUMSY LOCK FROM HIS EYES – IT HAD THE UNNERVING CAPACITY TO REMIND HIM OF ALL THAT HAD GONE BY. .HE FELT THE GLASS BEHIND HIS NAKED SHOULDER BLADES, TOO FRAGILE TO FALL BACK ON BUT SHARP ENOUGH TO HURT .HE TRIED SHUTTING OUT THE HOWL OF MISERY FIGHTING TO ESCAPE HIM. “I HAVE TO HAVE YOU!”HE SHRIEKED AND SLUMPED ON THE FLOOR – UNABLE TO BEAR THE GUILT.

THE CITY GLIMMERED LIKE A CRUMPLED WRAPPER IN A PUDDLE. FLO FELT DRENCHED IN MORE THAN JUST WATER – BOGGED DOWN BY THE PAIN OF HER CHOICES – BY ALL THAT AROUND HER WHICH WAS FOUL AND INFECTED.
SHE WALKED ON UNNOTICED, UNSEEN. SHE FELT A HAND CLASPING HERS – HER FEET LIFTED OFF THE GROUND.
THOUGH SHE COULD NOT SEE HIM, YET SHE KNEW IT WAS HIM BY THE FEEL OF THE FINGERS SHE HAD KNOWN SO WELL.
HE WANTED A FIGHT – HE GOT INDIFFERENCE. THE FINGERS BORE INTO HER ARM AS HE PULLED HER DOWN THE LANE .HE FELT NO RESISTANCE – HIS VIOLENCE WAS UNNECESARY.
HE THREW HER DOWN THE SHABBY WALLS OF HIS ROOM – HIS PRESENCE IN HIS OWN ROOM SEEMED IMPERSONAL - AS OF A LOOTER.
“GOD DAMN YOU” HE SLAPPED HER HOPING TO GET A REACTION. SHE DID NOT LOOK UP, HER LIP STARTED BLEEDING. HE MUFFLED A CRY , SNATCHED HER FACE IN HIS HANDS AND KISSED HER – HE GOT NO RESPONSE – NEITHER ACCEPTANCE NOR REPROACH. HE SLAMMED THE DOOR SHATTERING THE GLASS OF THE WINDOW PANE.
FLO DID NOT RAISE HER HAND TO STOP THE BLEEDING – AS FOR RAISING HER VOICE – SHE HAD LOST IT LONG AGO…..

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_**_*_*_*_*_*_*_

EVER SINCE SHE COULD REMEMBER – SHE WAS NEVER ABLE TO HIDE ANYTHING FROM DANIAL - SHE FELT AS IF HE COULD SEE PAST HER CLOTHES. THEIR FIRST MEETING HAD MADE HER REALISE THAT HE COULD UNDRESS HER WITH HIS EYES.
SHE NEVER FELT LIKE HIDING ANYTHING FROM HIM EITHER – EVEN THOUGH IT WAS NOT A POSSIBILITY. SHE KNEW THAT SHE WANTED HIM EVER SINCE SHE FIRST SAW HIM – SHE WOULD BEAR THE TORTURE OF NOT BEING ANYWHERE NEAR HIM – BUT WOULD FIND HERSELF FAILING AS HE WOULD ALWAYS SHOW UP SOMEWHERE- AFTER THE FIRST TIME ALL THROUGH THE THREE YEARS OF SCHOOL – DANIAL NEVER LOOKED AT HER – HE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT SHE SAW HIM BUT WOULD NEVER GIVE HER THE PLEASURE OF KNOWING THAT HE DESIRED HER.

THOUGH THEY HAD NEVER SPOKEN OR EVEN LOOKED A LOOK YET NOT A SINGLE BOY IN SCHOOL HAD HAD THE GUTS TO EVEN TRY TO SPEAK TO HER. DANIAL PHILIPS WAS THE MOST BRILLIANT STUDENT EVER PRODUCED BY THE SCHOOL. HE WAS THE MOST HANDSOME, THE RICHEST AND THE BEST ATHELETE OF THE SCHOOL .HE HAD NO FRIENDS.
HIS ABSOLUTE SELF DEPENDANCE, HIS BRILLIANCE, HIS CONFIDANCE AND UNDETTERED FAITH IN HIS ABILITY DREW HER CLOSE TO HIM. HE NEEDED NO SUPPORT, HE NEVER GAVE EXPLANATIONS, HE NEVER ARGUED – HE PLAIN ACTED. HIS ABILITIES AND PENCHANT FOR HIS WORK MADE HIM IRRESISTABLE TO HER.

THOUGH SHE DID NOT MIND HAVING NO FRIENDS OR SUITORS – SHE FELT UNDULY CONTROLLED AND POSSESSED BY HIM. SHE FOUND IN HIM THE EXEMPLIFICATION OF HER OWN QUALITIES – YET SHE DISLIKED HIS CHEEK, SHE RESENTED HIS CONTROL.
AT THE END OF THE YEAR PARTY SHE SMUGGLED OUT OF THE SCHOOL HALL WITH THIS ABSOLUTE JOCK OF A GUY – FOR THE SECOND TIME SHE FELT DANIAL’S EYES ON HER – HIS BLAZING BLACK EYES BETRAYED HIS INTENTIONS. THE JOCK’S COURAGE FALTERED AT HIS SIGHT. THE NEXT DAY FLO CAME TO KNOW THAT THE JOCK HAD BEEN HOSPITALISED. NO ONE DARED TO MESS WITH DANIAL PHILLIPS.

AS SHE STARTED FOR COLLEGE – SHE WAS HALF HAPPY LEAVING HIM BEHIND – YET KNOWING THAT SHE WOULD NEVER FORGET HIM. SHE BOARDED THE TRAIN FOR DELHI, CLEARLY HOPING HE WOULD MEET HER SOMEWHERE. THE ONLY OTHER OCCUPANT IN THE ENTIRE TRAIN COACH WAS DANIAL PHILLIPS – HE SAT RIGHT INFRONT OF HER – NEVER LOOKING AT HER. SHE REALISED THAT HE WANTED TO MAKE IT HARDER FOR HER.
ALL THE WHILE HE SAT JUST AN ARM’S LENGTH AWAY- SHE WANTED TO FEEL THE MIDNIGHT BLACK OF HIS HAIR – SHE WANTED TO FEEL HIM ON HER – SHE HAD WANTED IT EVER SINCE SHE FIRST SAW HIM. SHE LET OUT AN AUDIBLE GASP .HE TURNED TO HER – HIS ABSOLUTE DARK SKIN, STRAIGHT NOSE AND ARRESTING EYES – SHE COULD FEEL HERSELF MELT.SHE WANTED HIM AND HE KNEW IT. “HE WANTS TO BRING ME DOWN TO SAY IT”. HE LOOKED ON AT HER – NEVER EMOTING – SHE FELT THE CHEEK IN HIS GAZE – SHE FELT HIS EYES ON HER – SHE WAS TIRED OF HIS MINDGAMES – SHE SLAPPED HIM AS HARD AS SHE COULD AND STORMED OUT OF THE COACH .

WHEN SHE FINALLY MOVED TO HER HOSTEL ROOM – SHE SAW HIM – STANDING OUTSIDE HER ROOM – HIS EYES SEEMED TO SAY “DON’T YOU KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME?”SHE PUSHED OPEN THE DOOR, HE FOLLOWED PUSHIG HER IN. HE BOLTED THE DOOR.SHE FELT HIS HANDS CLOSING ROUND HER WAIST , HIS LIPS PUSHIG HERS, TOO VIOLENT TO BE MISTAKEN FOR LOVE, SHE FOUGHT HIM BEST SHE COULD. HE HELD HER TOO VIOLENTLY, FOR SO FRAGILE A BODY AS HERS. JUST AS SHE THOUGHT SHE WOULD STOP FIGHTING, SHE FELT HIS GRASP LOOSEN. HE STOOD UP, STARK NAKED, CIRCLING HER WRIST, PULLING HER CLOSE TO HIM AND THEN RELEASING HER – TOO VIOLENTLY FOR SOMEONE WHO HAD HELD ONTO HER AS ONE HOLDS ONTO LIFE. HE DRESSED AND LEFT. NO ONE STOPPED HIM –HE WAS NEVER CHECKED BY ANYONE.

SHE STOOD UP LATCHING THE DOOR ONCE HE LEFT. SHE FELL DOWN, CARESSING THE MANY BRUISES HE LEFT ON HER- SHE CHERISHED THE FACT THAT SHE HAD BEEN TAKEN AS SHE HAD ALWAYS WANTED TO – SHE WAS HELPLESSLY IN LOVE WITH HIM. SHE COULD NOT HATE HIM FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER.

SHE DRESSED UP THE NEXT DAY – KNOWING THAT SHE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HIDE WHAT HE HAD LEFT HER WITH – SHE KNEW IT THAT SHE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO BE THE SAME GIRL SHE WAS – SHE WAS SO IN LOVE WITH HIM THAT SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH WHAT HE DID TO HER – HER BRUISES WERE UNDERSTOOD BY EVERYONE WHO SAW HER. SHE FELT HIS EYES ON HER, EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW THAT HE WAS NOT IN THE CITY.

FOR FOUR DAYS – SHE STAYED SHUT IN HER ROOM.SHE KNEW THAT SHE WOULD GO TO HIM, SHE DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE WAS. ALL THAT SHE KNEW WAS THAT SHE HAD TO FIND HIM.
SHE RUSHED OUT ON THE STREETS, IN A DAZE; SHE COULD BEAR THE SEPARATION NO LONGER. AS SHE TURNED INTO THE ALLEY SHE FELT A HAND GRASPING HERS, SHE SAW HIM, HER DEFIANCE GONE. THE HARD, COLD , SCATHIGNLY PRACTICAL FLORENCE WAS LOST AS SHE LOOKED IN HIS EYES – SHE SAW HIM AND FELT HERSELF GROWING FEEBLER INFRONT OF HIM- SHE FELT HIS LIPS ON HERS, SHE TASTED BLOOD- EVEN HIS VIOLENCE COULD NOT BRING HER TO FIGHT HER CALLING. SHE RELEASED HERSELF, SLUMPED TO HIS FEET AND STRUGGLING FOR BREATH SHE SAID “I LOVE YOU …. I WORSHIP YOU ….I NEED YOU “SHE KISSED HIS SOOT COVERED BOOT AND COLLAPSED.THE EFFORT OF FINALLY ACCEPTING HIS DOMINANCE HAD COST ALL HER STRENGTH.

NEXT WHEN SHE WOKE UP – SHE SAW DANIAL LOOKING AT HER – IF IT COULD BE CALLED LOOKING- SHE FELT HIS EYES RADITE SUCH POWER THAT IT COULD HAVE BLAST DOWN MILES OF CIVILISATION.HE CAME TO HER – SHE FELT THE SOFTNESS OF THE MIDNIGHT BLACK SHE HAD LONGED TO FEEL , SHE FELT THE SKIN BRINGING LIFE , SHE DROWNED IN PEACE AS SHE FELT HIM CLOSE TO HER.SHE ACCEPTED THAT HE WAS THE MAN WHO COULD MAKE HER COMPLETE.HIS WAS THE DOMINANCE SHE NEEDED.SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS NOW NO LONGER IN CONTROL OF HERSELF. SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM – HELPLESSLY. HE WAS HER ABSOLUTE.



_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

DANIAL DRENCHED IN RAIN SAT DOWN ON A FILTHY PARK BENCH. HE HAD TO DO SOMETHING. HE COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS TO HER.

HE REMEMBERED WHEN HE HAD FIRST SEEN FLO.HE REMEMBERED HOW MADLY HE HAD WANTED HER EVEN BEFORE HE HAD PROPERLY SEEN HER – THE ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE IN HER WALK , THE INDEPENDENCE SHE PERSONIFIED AND THE BEAUTY OF HER BELIEF . HE NEEDED HER AS HE HAD NEVER NEEDED ANYTHING .HE WANTED HER EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW HE COULD DO NOTHING THAT WOULD IMPRESS HER, HE COULD DO NOTHING TO WIN HER , SHE HAD TO BE BROKEN , TO BE DOMINATED , HE HAD TO BE WORTHY OF THAT DOMINANCE.
THE FIRST TIME HE SAW HER, SHE COULD SENSE HIS INTENTIONS. SHE KNEW THERE WAS NO RESPECT IN THAT GAZE, SHE DID NOT BLINK SHE LOOKED ON, AS IF MILDLY WAITING FOR HIM TO EITHER TURN AWAY OR APOLOGISE. HE DID NEITHER. HE SAT THEIR UNFLINCHING, CARESSING HER WITH HIS EYES, HER FRAGILE BEAUTY UNDRESSED IN BY THE MERE CHEEK OF HIS GAZE. SHE STOOD THERE UNABASHED IN HIS GAZE – TILL SHE WAS FINALLY PUSHED ON BY THE CROWD WHICH MULLED ON. HE WAS IN LOVE WITH THE STRENGTH OF HER WILL.

HE KNEW THAT ONCE SCHOOL WAS OVER SHE WOULD BE GLAD TO HAVE MOVED ON WITH HER LIFE – TO SHIELD HERSELF FROM THE FEROCITY OF HIS STARES. HE SAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER – WANTING TO MAKE HER REALISE HOW MUCH SHE NEEDED HIM , SHE GOT TIRED OF HIS HALF HINTED GAMES AND SLAPPED HIM HARD TRYING TO VENT HER FRUSTATION ON HIM.

THAT NIGHT WHEN HE TOOK HER – HE FELT A GNAWING SENSE OF HAPPINESS. HE TOOK HER THE WAY SHE HAD WANTED TO. THE WAY SHE DESERVED TO BE TAKEN. SHE WANTED OVERPOWERING HE OVERPOWERED HER, SHE WANTE A FIGHT, HE GAVE HER A FIGHT. HE KNEW HE HAD FORGED A WEAKNESS IN HER FORM – HE KNEW HE WAS WRONG – YET HE DID IT – SUCH WAS THE IRRESTIBILITY OF THEIR LOVE.

THE DAY WHEN SHE BROKE DOWN CONFESSING HER LOVE FOR HIM – HE REALISED WHAT HE HAD DONE. HE HAD BROKEN HER SOUL. HE HAD DESTROYED HER GREATNESS. THEY BOTH HAD ENSLAVED THEMSELES IN EACH OTHER – HE HAD EMERGED AS A WARRIOR WHILE SHE HAD LOST THE INDEPENDENCE HE HAD LOVED - SHE WAS REDUCED TO HIS MISTRESS- SHE HAD LOST ALL PURPOSE OF SELF IN HIS LOVE.
HE KNEW HE HAD TO BREAK HIMSELF , HE KNEW HE HAD TO BE SOMETHING SHE COULD NOT LOVE,HE KNEW THAT IF HE WAS TO GIVE HER THE REASON TO FIGHT , TO LIVE , TO BE WHAT SHE WAS DESTINED TO BE , HE HAD TO SACRIFICE HIS DESTINY , HE HAD TO TURN AND IGNORE HIS CALLING .

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__*_

FLO WAS SHOCKED WHEN A WEEK LATER SHE SAW DANIAL’S TABLOID UNDER HIS FATHER’S NAME. HE HAD REFRAINED FROM EVER BEING MADE A PAWN TO HIS FATHER’S NAME.
SHE WAS CONFUSED WHEN HIS PUBLIC MESSAGES GREW – SAVE THE POOR, KILL THE GREEDY MONEYLENDER, EQUALITY FOR ALL – HE OF ALL PEOPLE WHO HAD VOUCHED FOR INDIVIDUAL CREATIVITY , HOW COULD HE TURN TO CAUSES WHICH DISRESPECTED HIS VERY BEING ?
DAY BY DAY HER SHOCK GREW TO ABSOLUTE BEDAZZLEMENT AS SHE SAW DANIAL AS THE PAGE THREE GUEST OF HONOUR. SHE WAS SURE THERE OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN SOME ERROR
WHEN HE WOULD NOT TAKE HER CALLS, SHE CALLED ON HIS ROOM ONE DAY – WHAT SHE SAW SNATCHED THE GROUND BENEATH HER FEET. A DOZEN MINIMALLY DRESSED GIRLS SURROUNDED DANIAL- HER DANIAL. ON SEEING HER HE JUST SHRUGGED AND TOLD HER TO JOIN IN.

THIS COULD NOT BE HER DANIAL – THE ONE WHO WAS ABOVE SUCH SHALLOWNESS – THE ONE WHO HAD LOVED HER AND ONLY HER – THE ONE PERSON WHO BELIEVED IN ACHIEVING AND IN LIVING TRUE TO ONES SELF .

SHE LEFT, BLUNDERING, CONFUSED AND BROKEN. SHE COULD FEEL HER SOUL DISINTEGRATING, SHE COULD HEAR HER WORDS”I WORSHIP YOU” OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SHE FELT HERSELF BREAKING DOWN TO BITS.
SHE REALISED THAT SHE HAD WASTED HER ENTIRE LIFE – HER GOD HAD DISOWNED HER – HE HAD LEFT THE PEDASTLE SHE CREATED FOR HIM TO JOIN ALL THAT SHE DESPISED. THAT WAS WHEN SHE REALISED – SHE WAS A WASTE – SHE HAD WRONGED HERSELF- SHE FELT CONTAMINATED AND FILTHY TO HAVE A LOVED A MAN SO – SHE COULD FEEL HIS HANDS ON HER EVEN NOW , SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS GONE , SHE REALISED HER SPIRIT HAD DISOWNED HER – SHE KNEW – SHE HAD COMPLETELY BROKEN DOWN….
_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_


WHEN FLO LEFT – DANIAL SENSED HIS EXPERIMENT, HIS TRIAL HAD GONE WRONG. HE HAD BARTERED HIS VALUES – TO MAKE HIMSELF AN OBJECT NOT WORTH OF FLO’S LOVE. HE HAD BROKEN A BIT OF HIM EVERYDAY TO RESURRECT THE HOLY IDOL HIS LUST HAD BROKEN.

AS SHE LEFT – HE KNEW HE COULD NOT DO THIS TO HIMSELF OR TO HER- HE SHRIEKED AS HE STOOD SURROUNDED BY THE FRAGILE GLASS “I HAVE TO HAVE YOU!”- HE SEARCHED THE CITY HIGH AND LOW FOR HER. HE SAW HER AND TOOK HER BY SURPRISE AS HE HAD WHEN SHE CONFESSED OF HER LOVE FOR HIM. WHAT HE SAW WOULD HAVE AND SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM- HE HAD NOT RESURRECTED HER- HE HAD DESTROYED HER. HE HAD MADE HIMSELF INTO SOMETHING THAT SHE COULD NOT LOVE – FORGETTING THAT SHE COULD NOT NOT LOVE HIM – SHE STARTED HATING HERSLEF IN THE PROCESS.

DANIAL PHILLIPS REALISED AS HE SAW HER BLANK EYES, FELT HER LISTLESS BODY – HE HAD FINALLY BROKEN THE LAST THING WHICH HAD HELD HER TOGETHER – HIMSELF .


_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_


FLO DID NOT SEE HIM WHEN HE RETURNED . HE STOOD THERE – THEN FELL TO HIS FEET – SLUMPED ON THE FLOOR –
“I LOVE YOU – I COULD NOT SEE MYSELF TURN YOU INTO SOMETHING I YEARNED FOR – I COULD NOT BREAK EVERYTHING IN YOU- I COULD NOT TURN YOU INTO A PROSTITUTE FLO – PLEASE FLO PLEASE ……… IS THERE ANYHTING I CAN DO?? ANYTHING AT ALL?? PLEASE FLO PLEASE?”
SHE DID NOT LOOK UP AT HIM –SHE DID NOT RESPOND – SHE HAD LOST THE CAPACITY TO REASON – SHE HAD LOST THE CAPACITY TO FIGHT, SHE DID NOT BLINK, SHE SAT THERE THE SAME WORDS PLAYING IN HER HEAD – “Ï WORSHIP YOU”

DANIAL HOWLED –IN PAIN , FEAR AND MISERY – HE KNEW HE COULD NOT BRING HER BACK – HE KNEW HE HAD DESTROYED BOTH OF THEM .HE STOOD UP UNABLE TO BEAR THE PAIN – HE RAISED HER TO HER FEET AND PICKED HER UP IN HIS ARMS , HE STEPPED OUT ONTO THE STREETS AND WALKED TILL HE REACHED THE LINE – HE STOOD THERE WATCHING THE GIRL HE HAD LOVED IN HIS ARMS , WATCHING WHAT HE HAD MADE HER – HE SAW THE TRAIN SPEEDING TOWARDS THEM – FLO LOOKED INTO HIS EYES , AS HE LOOKED INTO HERS – TWO PEOPLE OF INFINITE GREATNESS – WHO DESTROYED EACH OTHER FOR THE LOVE THEY HELD FOR ONE AND ANOTHER- THEY WAITED FOR THE TRAIN AS THEY HAD NEVER WAITED FOR LIFE -. THE LIGHTS FROM THE SPEEDING TRAIN ILLUMINATED THEIR TIRED, BROKEN DOWN FACES – DANIAL KISSED FLO – WHEN THE SPEEDIN TRAIN RAZED TO THE GROUND WHATEVER WAS LEFT OF THEM.
THE ABOSOLUTES MET WITH THE ABSOLUTE- DEATH.


THE END

22 comments :

Udita said...

Awright, with total honesty i have to say that this is one of the most BEAUTIFUL stories i've ever read so far. Itsimply grips me & my emotions from the very first word the the 'absolute' end! though i've never been in love yet & do am not awaree of the feelings & emotions in 'love' but this piece totally made me believe that one can infact love someone to death.
This story could not have been wriiten better, not even by Erich Segal!
I have read all your works & this is undoubtedbly your best so far.
ALl the best ahead & keep writing...

Lots & Lots of Luck & love, Udita

P.S. Let me always be your first reader!!!

ira said...

suicidal love themes rally appeal to me!
It was indeed a neat effort and I agree with Udita on the fact that it couldn't have been written better and I don't like Erich Segal's works hence my vote goes to you as well. Initially I was skeptical about how it was the girl who was projected to be a tool and I felt you were way too conventional in portraying the emotions of a girl helplessly in love but I liked the fact that the guy too was emotionally a bothered case. Kudos to the end...I love it.
Death,Destruction,Despair always seem appealing me!
Congrats!

Siddhant said...

awesome.... just tells you how two point of views can be so different .... and yet lead to the same understanding .... and the same misunderstanding ..... and that hardcore ,"in your face" love .... that has been portrayed so intensely ...... and you were too good with words on this one ....
so full of irony .... the guy seems so fucking dominant ... yet ... is so week .. somehow holding on to his own crumbling pieces .. and the fact that he just thought too much into his love and all .. and how he wants her as she was .... and going to this extent to make that happen ... i the end realizing it was all just for a lot of pain and one moment of death ... perhaps death was the best part .. when both of them were together .....

mmm ... i am not good at giving opinions .. so to state it as vaguely as i always do ...when i read this story ... i wanted to close my eyes and see just pure black and nothing else ..... perhaps with a spot of read in between ....


waise it also tells how true a scorpio you are ...

Rohit..... said...

....comment wagrah karna aata nai apun ko....poori story padh li yahi bahot badi baat hai...n dat shows it wz actually very nice...main marne jaa raha..neend aa rahi hai bahot...
baaki ka comment kal likh dunga...aaj sapne mein soch lunga...gud nait...

Rohit..... said...

contd.
haan toh i thght all nait...actually...the intimate scenes haven;t been well described at all...the reader himself has to make assumptions abt "some things".... rest toh mast...the theme of the story is very unique....i personally liked it very much.....and i am planning to copy it sometime in future....short sentences..which make it more impactful...nd touching....ab baaki i dont know da details...the story rocks overall....nd though it could not have had a better ending...yet i didn't want them to die... :(

and i personally thought u resembled daniel more than flo...i mean...in case of dominance wagrah..though not by ur stares but by ur sheer strength...am i right??? :D
gr8 job yaar...ekdum bindass hai...

arushi said...

'wow' is the word after reading your story... it is one of the most gripping n awesome stories I have ever read... with a perfect end..
though i do not believe that suicide is the best option... but in this case it couldn't have had been better.

Nishant......ya thats me!!! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trishla Dubey said...

well... one thing, u're the FINEST of all teenage writers i've come across... u just put things so beautifully... :)i loved reading the story... i just pictured myself as Flo's place (though I ain't that pretty of course) but its absolutely lovely!!! :) yaar.... I'm speechless... can't put things in a straight way as to tell you how much I loved this piece of creation!!! :) You RULE! AWESOME!!! that's THE word! :)
u described Flo's feelings the best and I felt a tinge of me being there... the power of love is actually that intense that it can drive you to mad stuff that u would NEVER do for anyone... How true! also, more than anything else, love does destroy one's self respect - here narrated as begging, but in real life, apologizing even u're not at fault... it is in a way giving up self respect... and in love, you tend to do that... How genuine!

Nishant......ya thats me!!! said...

the comments on my last comment by the person asking for comments made me delete my last comment......anyways i sill dont understand the concept... the whole story....i agree it is not influenced by roark nd dominique...but ya they are the ones tht immediately came to my mind... the concept of domination...in ne form....i dont like it... plus the fact the the guy took her by force... wateva be the reason...wateva be the circumstances...wateva be the feelings...whether in the guy or in the gal.. i cant like it... again worship-love-self love....wateva it is... i dont believe in anything tht can break ur soul... death being an absolute....tht ws something i loved.. i like the end... though i cant want neone to meet such an end.. i would want the soul to be repaired.... as a story yes....the end ws perfect... im very sorry devika tht i still dont understand the concept... nd even after ur sincerest effots...i kno i wont be able to... but i would rather nt understand the thing rather than misinterpret it.... i still think u can write better...

neetika said...

hi devika...hav already told u...am gonaa just repeat it....loved ur piece...it had reality in it which u dont find in the works of those conventional n popular writers....hav becum ur fan after readng ur story itss just too gud....i just cud not divert my attention till i had read till th last line.......

n th violence in love was wht gripped me coz it was different kinda love frm th usual soft,sweet n mushy stuff tht irritates me to no limit.....

u knw i cud relate to it n also relate u to it...so tht just added its value.....u r really gud n shud be extremely proud of urself for writing such beautiful n hearttouching storeis its amzng...
keep up th gud work....cheers....tc... :-)

somya said...

well...........actually speakin dont noe u dt wel...... jackie told me 2 read d story.....bt i really luvd it.........its realy nice touches u 2 d core...bt i feel d story ws a little too depressin or mayb i m too used to readin d "happy ending" stuff.....bt stil it ws nice.....hope 2 c sumthing dis gud again.........all the best....

Shefali Pathak said...

i know you don't know me, but I reached this thru wt u can call a "Common friend"...

Wow..BRILLIANCE.

You have to be one of the most amazing writers, and no kidding there, ive ever read !

its just so unique, and yet something not beserk..still in bounds of a persons imagination..

a fantastic line you've drawn there between reality and fiction !

again .. brilliant !

cheers to you...!

looking forward to c a lot more in this space.

lots of love, n good luck !

shefali

aiman said...

welll seriousli speaking dis is truely spectacular....gr8 story hats off to u.....this stry clearly brings out d relationship between two,.. to wht extent one cud love his/her lover.....love is simply beautiful nd d feeling of luv is spectacular.....
though i dnt believe in luv nw but styll i knw a lot abt it......hats off to u buddy...
keep rocking nd keep up d gr8 wkr
luv nd luck
aimee

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

ok ..........
long overdue but necessary

thnx udita i luv you ....
ira u malways have to get to extremes but yeah even i loved the violence
have always fantasized bout it

siddhant for once i appreciate tht i EVER went out with you .... ur comment is the closest to wat i would have wanted to be commented as...

rohit ur extreme devotion to your sleep puts me back on my feet...
and yeah i knw u didnt want them to die but thts how i wanted it
so yeah dont poke ur nose .... thnx nyway

arushi , luv you for taking the trouble to go thru it ...
i knw how much u hate reading


trish gal ... thnx.... it means coming frm you

baniye/nishant i hate you ... watever u mite feel i can assure you i have always tht on the lines of wat is mentioned in this story and yeah my lc gals are a testimony to this even bfore i read ayn rand , yet if i could even try to copy he i feel obliged ...

yo jackie - luv u female

somya thnx for putting up a comment here even though u dont knw me - and yeah i knw tht happy endings are sweeter , but sometimes death is more real

shefali , mumbaikar thnx for dropping a comment and yeha luv you review\\

aiman - i luv you gal
\and dnt loose hope babe

Rohit..... said...

nd everyone thank me also....coz u all are being thanked bcoz of me...!! rait ..devika???

Rohit..... said...

nd basically jo tumhari story ki jitni zaada taareef karde...tum use utna zaada hi thank you bolti ho...."asli critics" ki toh koi izzat hi nai hai....

Harsha said...

"awesum" is da word!!..
absolutely gr8 work..
gives me 1 GUD reason 2 appreciate ur literary talents..

i've neva quite lyked da despair-n-luv combo..but 4 dis piece, i'll go agenst ol my previous notions n applaud u..

rock on gurl..
n keep writing such gr8 stuff..

Siddhant said...

thanks rohit ....

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

rohit
ill be forced to delete ur comment but ull say tht i cant take criticism therefore i wotn delete it

thnx harsha
luv u for going thru it

Rohit..... said...

devika...u r intelligent beyond my imagination....

Sanjukta said...

wnt bothr tryin 2 say what I thnk xactly abut de story coz m sure 2 run outta adjectives :)
itz wunnerful re...luv story ho to aisi ^_____^

PHOTOGENIC DEVIL said...

awwwwwwww

i luv u sanjukta !!!