Tuesday, October 7, 2008

LOVE YOU TO DEATH ......

DANIAL PHILLIPS PUSHED BACK A CLUMSY LOCK FROM HIS EYES – IT HAD THE UNNERVING CAPACITY TO REMIND HIM OF ALL THAT HAD GONE BY. .HE FELT THE GLASS BEHIND HIS NAKED SHOULDER BLADES, TOO FRAGILE TO FALL BACK ON BUT SHARP ENOUGH TO HURT .HE TRIED SHUTTING OUT THE HOWL OF MISERY FIGHTING TO ESCAPE HIM. “I HAVE TO HAVE YOU!”HE SHRIEKED AND SLUMPED ON THE FLOOR – UNABLE TO BEAR THE GUILT.

THE CITY GLIMMERED LIKE A CRUMPLED WRAPPER IN A PUDDLE. FLO FELT DRENCHED IN MORE THAN JUST WATER – BOGGED DOWN BY THE PAIN OF HER CHOICES – BY ALL THAT AROUND HER WHICH WAS FOUL AND INFECTED.
SHE WALKED ON UNNOTICED, UNSEEN. SHE FELT A HAND CLASPING HERS – HER FEET LIFTED OFF THE GROUND.
THOUGH SHE COULD NOT SEE HIM, YET SHE KNEW IT WAS HIM BY THE FEEL OF THE FINGERS SHE HAD KNOWN SO WELL.
HE WANTED A FIGHT – HE GOT INDIFFERENCE. THE FINGERS BORE INTO HER ARM AS HE PULLED HER DOWN THE LANE .HE FELT NO RESISTANCE – HIS VIOLENCE WAS UNNECESARY.
HE THREW HER DOWN THE SHABBY WALLS OF HIS ROOM – HIS PRESENCE IN HIS OWN ROOM SEEMED IMPERSONAL - AS OF A LOOTER.
“GOD DAMN YOU” HE SLAPPED HER HOPING TO GET A REACTION. SHE DID NOT LOOK UP, HER LIP STARTED BLEEDING. HE MUFFLED A CRY , SNATCHED HER FACE IN HIS HANDS AND KISSED HER – HE GOT NO RESPONSE – NEITHER ACCEPTANCE NOR REPROACH. HE SLAMMED THE DOOR SHATTERING THE GLASS OF THE WINDOW PANE.
FLO DID NOT RAISE HER HAND TO STOP THE BLEEDING – AS FOR RAISING HER VOICE – SHE HAD LOST IT LONG AGO…..

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EVER SINCE SHE COULD REMEMBER – SHE WAS NEVER ABLE TO HIDE ANYTHING FROM DANIAL - SHE FELT AS IF HE COULD SEE PAST HER CLOTHES. THEIR FIRST MEETING HAD MADE HER REALISE THAT HE COULD UNDRESS HER WITH HIS EYES.
SHE NEVER FELT LIKE HIDING ANYTHING FROM HIM EITHER – EVEN THOUGH IT WAS NOT A POSSIBILITY. SHE KNEW THAT SHE WANTED HIM EVER SINCE SHE FIRST SAW HIM – SHE WOULD BEAR THE TORTURE OF NOT BEING ANYWHERE NEAR HIM – BUT WOULD FIND HERSELF FAILING AS HE WOULD ALWAYS SHOW UP SOMEWHERE- AFTER THE FIRST TIME ALL THROUGH THE THREE YEARS OF SCHOOL – DANIAL NEVER LOOKED AT HER – HE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT SHE SAW HIM BUT WOULD NEVER GIVE HER THE PLEASURE OF KNOWING THAT HE DESIRED HER.

THOUGH THEY HAD NEVER SPOKEN OR EVEN LOOKED A LOOK YET NOT A SINGLE BOY IN SCHOOL HAD HAD THE GUTS TO EVEN TRY TO SPEAK TO HER. DANIAL PHILIPS WAS THE MOST BRILLIANT STUDENT EVER PRODUCED BY THE SCHOOL. HE WAS THE MOST HANDSOME, THE RICHEST AND THE BEST ATHELETE OF THE SCHOOL .HE HAD NO FRIENDS.
HIS ABSOLUTE SELF DEPENDANCE, HIS BRILLIANCE, HIS CONFIDANCE AND UNDETTERED FAITH IN HIS ABILITY DREW HER CLOSE TO HIM. HE NEEDED NO SUPPORT, HE NEVER GAVE EXPLANATIONS, HE NEVER ARGUED – HE PLAIN ACTED. HIS ABILITIES AND PENCHANT FOR HIS WORK MADE HIM IRRESISTABLE TO HER.

THOUGH SHE DID NOT MIND HAVING NO FRIENDS OR SUITORS – SHE FELT UNDULY CONTROLLED AND POSSESSED BY HIM. SHE FOUND IN HIM THE EXEMPLIFICATION OF HER OWN QUALITIES – YET SHE DISLIKED HIS CHEEK, SHE RESENTED HIS CONTROL.
AT THE END OF THE YEAR PARTY SHE SMUGGLED OUT OF THE SCHOOL HALL WITH THIS ABSOLUTE JOCK OF A GUY – FOR THE SECOND TIME SHE FELT DANIAL’S EYES ON HER – HIS BLAZING BLACK EYES BETRAYED HIS INTENTIONS. THE JOCK’S COURAGE FALTERED AT HIS SIGHT. THE NEXT DAY FLO CAME TO KNOW THAT THE JOCK HAD BEEN HOSPITALISED. NO ONE DARED TO MESS WITH DANIAL PHILLIPS.

AS SHE STARTED FOR COLLEGE – SHE WAS HALF HAPPY LEAVING HIM BEHIND – YET KNOWING THAT SHE WOULD NEVER FORGET HIM. SHE BOARDED THE TRAIN FOR DELHI, CLEARLY HOPING HE WOULD MEET HER SOMEWHERE. THE ONLY OTHER OCCUPANT IN THE ENTIRE TRAIN COACH WAS DANIAL PHILLIPS – HE SAT RIGHT INFRONT OF HER – NEVER LOOKING AT HER. SHE REALISED THAT HE WANTED TO MAKE IT HARDER FOR HER.
ALL THE WHILE HE SAT JUST AN ARM’S LENGTH AWAY- SHE WANTED TO FEEL THE MIDNIGHT BLACK OF HIS HAIR – SHE WANTED TO FEEL HIM ON HER – SHE HAD WANTED IT EVER SINCE SHE FIRST SAW HIM. SHE LET OUT AN AUDIBLE GASP .HE TURNED TO HER – HIS ABSOLUTE DARK SKIN, STRAIGHT NOSE AND ARRESTING EYES – SHE COULD FEEL HERSELF MELT.SHE WANTED HIM AND HE KNEW IT. “HE WANTS TO BRING ME DOWN TO SAY IT”. HE LOOKED ON AT HER – NEVER EMOTING – SHE FELT THE CHEEK IN HIS GAZE – SHE FELT HIS EYES ON HER – SHE WAS TIRED OF HIS MINDGAMES – SHE SLAPPED HIM AS HARD AS SHE COULD AND STORMED OUT OF THE COACH .

WHEN SHE FINALLY MOVED TO HER HOSTEL ROOM – SHE SAW HIM – STANDING OUTSIDE HER ROOM – HIS EYES SEEMED TO SAY “DON’T YOU KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME?”SHE PUSHED OPEN THE DOOR, HE FOLLOWED PUSHIG HER IN. HE BOLTED THE DOOR.SHE FELT HIS HANDS CLOSING ROUND HER WAIST , HIS LIPS PUSHIG HERS, TOO VIOLENT TO BE MISTAKEN FOR LOVE, SHE FOUGHT HIM BEST SHE COULD. HE HELD HER TOO VIOLENTLY, FOR SO FRAGILE A BODY AS HERS. JUST AS SHE THOUGHT SHE WOULD STOP FIGHTING, SHE FELT HIS GRASP LOOSEN. HE STOOD UP, STARK NAKED, CIRCLING HER WRIST, PULLING HER CLOSE TO HIM AND THEN RELEASING HER – TOO VIOLENTLY FOR SOMEONE WHO HAD HELD ONTO HER AS ONE HOLDS ONTO LIFE. HE DRESSED AND LEFT. NO ONE STOPPED HIM –HE WAS NEVER CHECKED BY ANYONE.

SHE STOOD UP LATCHING THE DOOR ONCE HE LEFT. SHE FELL DOWN, CARESSING THE MANY BRUISES HE LEFT ON HER- SHE CHERISHED THE FACT THAT SHE HAD BEEN TAKEN AS SHE HAD ALWAYS WANTED TO – SHE WAS HELPLESSLY IN LOVE WITH HIM. SHE COULD NOT HATE HIM FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER.

SHE DRESSED UP THE NEXT DAY – KNOWING THAT SHE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HIDE WHAT HE HAD LEFT HER WITH – SHE KNEW IT THAT SHE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO BE THE SAME GIRL SHE WAS – SHE WAS SO IN LOVE WITH HIM THAT SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH WHAT HE DID TO HER – HER BRUISES WERE UNDERSTOOD BY EVERYONE WHO SAW HER. SHE FELT HIS EYES ON HER, EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW THAT HE WAS NOT IN THE CITY.

FOR FOUR DAYS – SHE STAYED SHUT IN HER ROOM.SHE KNEW THAT SHE WOULD GO TO HIM, SHE DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE WAS. ALL THAT SHE KNEW WAS THAT SHE HAD TO FIND HIM.
SHE RUSHED OUT ON THE STREETS, IN A DAZE; SHE COULD BEAR THE SEPARATION NO LONGER. AS SHE TURNED INTO THE ALLEY SHE FELT A HAND GRASPING HERS, SHE SAW HIM, HER DEFIANCE GONE. THE HARD, COLD , SCATHIGNLY PRACTICAL FLORENCE WAS LOST AS SHE LOOKED IN HIS EYES – SHE SAW HIM AND FELT HERSELF GROWING FEEBLER INFRONT OF HIM- SHE FELT HIS LIPS ON HERS, SHE TASTED BLOOD- EVEN HIS VIOLENCE COULD NOT BRING HER TO FIGHT HER CALLING. SHE RELEASED HERSELF, SLUMPED TO HIS FEET AND STRUGGLING FOR BREATH SHE SAID “I LOVE YOU …. I WORSHIP YOU ….I NEED YOU “SHE KISSED HIS SOOT COVERED BOOT AND COLLAPSED.THE EFFORT OF FINALLY ACCEPTING HIS DOMINANCE HAD COST ALL HER STRENGTH.

NEXT WHEN SHE WOKE UP – SHE SAW DANIAL LOOKING AT HER – IF IT COULD BE CALLED LOOKING- SHE FELT HIS EYES RADITE SUCH POWER THAT IT COULD HAVE BLAST DOWN MILES OF CIVILISATION.HE CAME TO HER – SHE FELT THE SOFTNESS OF THE MIDNIGHT BLACK SHE HAD LONGED TO FEEL , SHE FELT THE SKIN BRINGING LIFE , SHE DROWNED IN PEACE AS SHE FELT HIM CLOSE TO HER.SHE ACCEPTED THAT HE WAS THE MAN WHO COULD MAKE HER COMPLETE.HIS WAS THE DOMINANCE SHE NEEDED.SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS NOW NO LONGER IN CONTROL OF HERSELF. SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM – HELPLESSLY. HE WAS HER ABSOLUTE.



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DANIAL DRENCHED IN RAIN SAT DOWN ON A FILTHY PARK BENCH. HE HAD TO DO SOMETHING. HE COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS TO HER.

HE REMEMBERED WHEN HE HAD FIRST SEEN FLO.HE REMEMBERED HOW MADLY HE HAD WANTED HER EVEN BEFORE HE HAD PROPERLY SEEN HER – THE ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE IN HER WALK , THE INDEPENDENCE SHE PERSONIFIED AND THE BEAUTY OF HER BELIEF . HE NEEDED HER AS HE HAD NEVER NEEDED ANYTHING .HE WANTED HER EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW HE COULD DO NOTHING THAT WOULD IMPRESS HER, HE COULD DO NOTHING TO WIN HER , SHE HAD TO BE BROKEN , TO BE DOMINATED , HE HAD TO BE WORTHY OF THAT DOMINANCE.
THE FIRST TIME HE SAW HER, SHE COULD SENSE HIS INTENTIONS. SHE KNEW THERE WAS NO RESPECT IN THAT GAZE, SHE DID NOT BLINK SHE LOOKED ON, AS IF MILDLY WAITING FOR HIM TO EITHER TURN AWAY OR APOLOGISE. HE DID NEITHER. HE SAT THEIR UNFLINCHING, CARESSING HER WITH HIS EYES, HER FRAGILE BEAUTY UNDRESSED IN BY THE MERE CHEEK OF HIS GAZE. SHE STOOD THERE UNABASHED IN HIS GAZE – TILL SHE WAS FINALLY PUSHED ON BY THE CROWD WHICH MULLED ON. HE WAS IN LOVE WITH THE STRENGTH OF HER WILL.

HE KNEW THAT ONCE SCHOOL WAS OVER SHE WOULD BE GLAD TO HAVE MOVED ON WITH HER LIFE – TO SHIELD HERSELF FROM THE FEROCITY OF HIS STARES. HE SAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER – WANTING TO MAKE HER REALISE HOW MUCH SHE NEEDED HIM , SHE GOT TIRED OF HIS HALF HINTED GAMES AND SLAPPED HIM HARD TRYING TO VENT HER FRUSTATION ON HIM.

THAT NIGHT WHEN HE TOOK HER – HE FELT A GNAWING SENSE OF HAPPINESS. HE TOOK HER THE WAY SHE HAD WANTED TO. THE WAY SHE DESERVED TO BE TAKEN. SHE WANTED OVERPOWERING HE OVERPOWERED HER, SHE WANTE A FIGHT, HE GAVE HER A FIGHT. HE KNEW HE HAD FORGED A WEAKNESS IN HER FORM – HE KNEW HE WAS WRONG – YET HE DID IT – SUCH WAS THE IRRESTIBILITY OF THEIR LOVE.

THE DAY WHEN SHE BROKE DOWN CONFESSING HER LOVE FOR HIM – HE REALISED WHAT HE HAD DONE. HE HAD BROKEN HER SOUL. HE HAD DESTROYED HER GREATNESS. THEY BOTH HAD ENSLAVED THEMSELES IN EACH OTHER – HE HAD EMERGED AS A WARRIOR WHILE SHE HAD LOST THE INDEPENDENCE HE HAD LOVED - SHE WAS REDUCED TO HIS MISTRESS- SHE HAD LOST ALL PURPOSE OF SELF IN HIS LOVE.
HE KNEW HE HAD TO BREAK HIMSELF , HE KNEW HE HAD TO BE SOMETHING SHE COULD NOT LOVE,HE KNEW THAT IF HE WAS TO GIVE HER THE REASON TO FIGHT , TO LIVE , TO BE WHAT SHE WAS DESTINED TO BE , HE HAD TO SACRIFICE HIS DESTINY , HE HAD TO TURN AND IGNORE HIS CALLING .

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FLO WAS SHOCKED WHEN A WEEK LATER SHE SAW DANIAL’S TABLOID UNDER HIS FATHER’S NAME. HE HAD REFRAINED FROM EVER BEING MADE A PAWN TO HIS FATHER’S NAME.
SHE WAS CONFUSED WHEN HIS PUBLIC MESSAGES GREW – SAVE THE POOR, KILL THE GREEDY MONEYLENDER, EQUALITY FOR ALL – HE OF ALL PEOPLE WHO HAD VOUCHED FOR INDIVIDUAL CREATIVITY , HOW COULD HE TURN TO CAUSES WHICH DISRESPECTED HIS VERY BEING ?
DAY BY DAY HER SHOCK GREW TO ABSOLUTE BEDAZZLEMENT AS SHE SAW DANIAL AS THE PAGE THREE GUEST OF HONOUR. SHE WAS SURE THERE OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN SOME ERROR
WHEN HE WOULD NOT TAKE HER CALLS, SHE CALLED ON HIS ROOM ONE DAY – WHAT SHE SAW SNATCHED THE GROUND BENEATH HER FEET. A DOZEN MINIMALLY DRESSED GIRLS SURROUNDED DANIAL- HER DANIAL. ON SEEING HER HE JUST SHRUGGED AND TOLD HER TO JOIN IN.

THIS COULD NOT BE HER DANIAL – THE ONE WHO WAS ABOVE SUCH SHALLOWNESS – THE ONE WHO HAD LOVED HER AND ONLY HER – THE ONE PERSON WHO BELIEVED IN ACHIEVING AND IN LIVING TRUE TO ONES SELF .

SHE LEFT, BLUNDERING, CONFUSED AND BROKEN. SHE COULD FEEL HER SOUL DISINTEGRATING, SHE COULD HEAR HER WORDS”I WORSHIP YOU” OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SHE FELT HERSELF BREAKING DOWN TO BITS.
SHE REALISED THAT SHE HAD WASTED HER ENTIRE LIFE – HER GOD HAD DISOWNED HER – HE HAD LEFT THE PEDASTLE SHE CREATED FOR HIM TO JOIN ALL THAT SHE DESPISED. THAT WAS WHEN SHE REALISED – SHE WAS A WASTE – SHE HAD WRONGED HERSELF- SHE FELT CONTAMINATED AND FILTHY TO HAVE A LOVED A MAN SO – SHE COULD FEEL HIS HANDS ON HER EVEN NOW , SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS GONE , SHE REALISED HER SPIRIT HAD DISOWNED HER – SHE KNEW – SHE HAD COMPLETELY BROKEN DOWN….
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WHEN FLO LEFT – DANIAL SENSED HIS EXPERIMENT, HIS TRIAL HAD GONE WRONG. HE HAD BARTERED HIS VALUES – TO MAKE HIMSELF AN OBJECT NOT WORTH OF FLO’S LOVE. HE HAD BROKEN A BIT OF HIM EVERYDAY TO RESURRECT THE HOLY IDOL HIS LUST HAD BROKEN.

AS SHE LEFT – HE KNEW HE COULD NOT DO THIS TO HIMSELF OR TO HER- HE SHRIEKED AS HE STOOD SURROUNDED BY THE FRAGILE GLASS “I HAVE TO HAVE YOU!”- HE SEARCHED THE CITY HIGH AND LOW FOR HER. HE SAW HER AND TOOK HER BY SURPRISE AS HE HAD WHEN SHE CONFESSED OF HER LOVE FOR HIM. WHAT HE SAW WOULD HAVE AND SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM- HE HAD NOT RESURRECTED HER- HE HAD DESTROYED HER. HE HAD MADE HIMSELF INTO SOMETHING THAT SHE COULD NOT LOVE – FORGETTING THAT SHE COULD NOT NOT LOVE HIM – SHE STARTED HATING HERSLEF IN THE PROCESS.

DANIAL PHILLIPS REALISED AS HE SAW HER BLANK EYES, FELT HER LISTLESS BODY – HE HAD FINALLY BROKEN THE LAST THING WHICH HAD HELD HER TOGETHER – HIMSELF .


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FLO DID NOT SEE HIM WHEN HE RETURNED . HE STOOD THERE – THEN FELL TO HIS FEET – SLUMPED ON THE FLOOR –
“I LOVE YOU – I COULD NOT SEE MYSELF TURN YOU INTO SOMETHING I YEARNED FOR – I COULD NOT BREAK EVERYTHING IN YOU- I COULD NOT TURN YOU INTO A PROSTITUTE FLO – PLEASE FLO PLEASE ……… IS THERE ANYHTING I CAN DO?? ANYTHING AT ALL?? PLEASE FLO PLEASE?”
SHE DID NOT LOOK UP AT HIM –SHE DID NOT RESPOND – SHE HAD LOST THE CAPACITY TO REASON – SHE HAD LOST THE CAPACITY TO FIGHT, SHE DID NOT BLINK, SHE SAT THERE THE SAME WORDS PLAYING IN HER HEAD – “Ï WORSHIP YOU”

DANIAL HOWLED –IN PAIN , FEAR AND MISERY – HE KNEW HE COULD NOT BRING HER BACK – HE KNEW HE HAD DESTROYED BOTH OF THEM .HE STOOD UP UNABLE TO BEAR THE PAIN – HE RAISED HER TO HER FEET AND PICKED HER UP IN HIS ARMS , HE STEPPED OUT ONTO THE STREETS AND WALKED TILL HE REACHED THE LINE – HE STOOD THERE WATCHING THE GIRL HE HAD LOVED IN HIS ARMS , WATCHING WHAT HE HAD MADE HER – HE SAW THE TRAIN SPEEDING TOWARDS THEM – FLO LOOKED INTO HIS EYES , AS HE LOOKED INTO HERS – TWO PEOPLE OF INFINITE GREATNESS – WHO DESTROYED EACH OTHER FOR THE LOVE THEY HELD FOR ONE AND ANOTHER- THEY WAITED FOR THE TRAIN AS THEY HAD NEVER WAITED FOR LIFE -. THE LIGHTS FROM THE SPEEDING TRAIN ILLUMINATED THEIR TIRED, BROKEN DOWN FACES – DANIAL KISSED FLO – WHEN THE SPEEDIN TRAIN RAZED TO THE GROUND WHATEVER WAS LEFT OF THEM.
THE ABOSOLUTES MET WITH THE ABSOLUTE- DEATH.


THE END